Smile For Me

There were times when the Joker absolutely loved the Batman's body. Times like now, bruised and bloody and tied up on one of the Joker's tables. Joker leaned over his adversary, grinning. This was gonna be fun.

He crawled up onto the table and leaned on Batman's chest, contemplating that cowl. So serious! Even when he was unconscious and should be completely relaxed his face was stuck in that grimace.

"Didn't your mother tell you not to make faces?" Joker said, "It might – heh – stick that way."

Joker twiddled the knife in his hands, eventually turning it to pick his teeth. Right now the question was how soon Batman would wake up, because while you could do lots of fun things with an unconscious Batman (he could think of twenty off the top of his head) none of them would be nearly as much fun as doing them with a conscious but bound Batman.

Joker licked the knife slowly, almost sensuously, as he watched. Then he drew the flat of it across Batman's mouth. He giggled. An indirect kiss! Too bad Batsy hadn't been awake for that.

Blood pooled at the corner of the Bat's mouth – Joker must have grazed him with the knife. For a second, he just watched the trickle, and then, curious, he dabbed his finger it in. He stared at the drop of blood on his hand before sticking it into his mouth and sucking.

Blood. Just tasted like normal blood. Joker was slightly disappointed – he'd expected something more from his Batsy.

The figure below him stirred as he came awake, and Joker giggled as he was lifted up and down on the man's muscles. God, there were times when he loved Batman's body.

"Joker…"

The words left Batman's mouth before Joker had even realized the man's eyes were open, and that irritated him. How could they play fair if Joker couldn't see his eyes? Joker looked down at the cowl. Well, there was a way to fix that.

Batman flinched when Joker's knife went for his eye. "What are you –"

Joker put his elbow in Batman's mouth and held the man's forehead in place with his left hand. Then he very carefully cut away the white film that covered Batman's right eye.

"Aww, Batsy, why d'ya always wear this stuff?" Joker said, waving the thin white film in front of Batsy's nose, "Y'got such pretty eyes."

He proceeded to remove the other eye, and now he had Batman's full attention, a smoldering glare in those deep brown eyes. Joker liked that.

"Y'ignored me for months, honey," he said, twirling the knife again. "I was beginning to think you didn't care anymore."

"What do you want, Joker?"

Joker giggled. "Just you."

Batman's eyes showed that he didn't understand, and Joker started to laugh. "Batsy, can't ya see you're mine? Can't ya see how perfect we are for each other?"

Joker rolled onto his back, his head now leaning on the Batman's shoulder. Armpit. Whatever.

"The way it goes, Batsy, is you're not leaving here until I say you can, and we're going to have a lot of fun before that happens, aren't we?"

Joker just lay there for a minute, staring up at a smiley-face button hanging on a rope over the table. "Y'know what that does, Batsy?"

Batman didn't answer.

Joker got up onto his side and glared at Batman. "I said, 'Y'know what that does, Batsy?'" He started twiddling his knife again. It wasn't fair. He didn't see why he had to do everything to keep this relationship together.

He almost giggled when he felt the heavy sigh force that Kevlar-coated chest up and down. "No."

Joker flopped back down onto Batman's shoulder. "Me neither. Wanna find out?"

Before Batman could answer, Joker reached up and pressed the button. Floodlights suddenly came on in the warehouse, showing up every little corner of the place. They were completely alone.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," said Joker, pressing the button again so that only a few lights around them were on, "You'd think that something with a little yellow smiley-face on it would do something a lot more fun than just turn on lights. Boring."

Joker turned over to look Batman in the face. "Besides, low lighting is so much more – romantic."

Batman just glared at him, and suddenly Joker didn't feel so much like laughing anymore.
"What's wrong with you?" he said, "You never lighten up. Never. Look at you, look at you in that dark black cape and your skintight gray Kevlar suit and your black underwear." Joker looked down at Batman's chest for a minute. "Not that I'm complaining about the whole skintight suit thing, but you're so dark. So depressing. Don't you ever have fun? Don't you ever smile?"

He leaned over Batman's face, staring down at that cold furious grimace. "Come on, smile for me, smile for Joker."

Batman's scowl became even more pronounced, if that was even possible.

Joker sighed and sat up, kneeling over Batman's body. "Can you even smile?" Joker finally asked, "I've never seen you do it. Not even in victory. Not even when one of your precious Robins manages to get the drop on somebody. Never. Not once. Is it a medical condition or something?"

"I'm not smiling," came Batman's reply, "Because it's not funny."

Joker stared into the dark of the warehouse. "Bet you smile for Robin."

There was a stiff silence, and it sounded weird and depressing to Joker. He'd expected a quip or at least an answer and he got nothing. It was unbearable.

"Y'know what's the difference between you and your Robins?" said Joker, looking into Batman's eyes, "Robin actually smiles and laughs, but that's because he's not crazy. That's why you don't smile, isn't it? That's why you don't have any fun. Because you know if you start to laugh, you'll never be able to stop."

Batman didn't answer, but this time Joker didn't care. Silence was all the answer needed.